Saturday, 14 January 2012

Thank You and Goodbye

P, you are always there for me and I thank you, I love you more than you could imagine, but not how you might wish. You are the big brother I never had, my friend, my guardian angel, my every thing. You deserve more than I can give you, more than I am. Believe it or not but I know it, and you will find it.
S.W, you were my friend then not then my friend but not, you hate me when I am in your way and love me when you are alone, I don't need you and you don't need me, we just need something and find each other. Please find happiness without me and without hurting my friends or yourself, because you are better than this, you always were, you just got lost. Don't be lost, you know the way and you will be happy, I wish this for me though you choose me to hurt as a vent. This is okay, but hurt me and be good to those you really care about because you are better than this. You will be happy and safe in the arms of an angel, I promise you this, but you need to recognise her when you have her and not throw her away as you do so often with others.
Z, I like you, a lot, you have been hurt and it hurt me to see, you have been broken and it hurt me, I cannot watch you hurt and hope that if I achieve anything in life it will be to make you happy or at least content, at least a little. To help you is all I need for you. Remember I am here and I always will be if ever you need me. And dude I wish you needed me.
S.E, You are so sweet and so innocent, beautiful and lovely, where would I be without you watching over me? Like P.T has done, you are my angel alongside her sent to watch and protect, though no one will ever know why. I am a waste and don't deserve the kindness you both offer me. I miss you both and am loosing myself here without you. S.E I am glad you are happy with E. I may seem distant but he will treat you well, and I would be sad to see you or him apart now I have seen the smiles and the peace you bring each other. P.T you will find this, happiness is something you deserve and have earned, if I could finr it and hand it to you I would but you can find it alone, you are better than you know. Good things come to those who wait, you know this already and you will see, but I tell you again because I want you to know and remember.
R, he has been bad to you, I want you to be free of him though I know how much you care for each other, you are drawn to each other, but this doesn't mean you each need to be in pain. He spoke to me today, words of wisdom that reminded me of you, things you would say, this is me movie, i am the main character and to be hurt is part of the process of finding my happy ending. I hope so much that you are happy out there, enjoying the break from the hell we call home. There will be so much to tell you when you get here, be it good or bad, I will tell you all I can. Please be safe and happy where ever you are right now. I miss you more than anything, I need your help. But I won't tell you yet.
You are the peaople I care about, the ones i watch over and try to help, save and protect. Sometimes i fail, sometimes I am a burden too much to help you with your own problems, I wish I could be more.
I deserve so much less than what you all have brought to me. The happiness and the pain. Whether you notice me now or not I am not good for any of you. I am a curse and a burden to all that walk my way. Yet I cant let any of you go, I am scared you will be hurt or cursed with me, so I watch over you like the angels you have been, will be and try to be, watching me, saving me, teaching me and protecting me. Please all be safe, be well and be happy. Please don't forget me and please don't forgive me because I don't deserve it.
I am a lesson to learn from without going down the path yourself.
I am less than expected.
I love you all, though I show you less than love. I care for your safety and want for your success in what I can't find.
You all have earned more than you have, and i want you to be praised for your beauty and selflessness, even if sometime you hide it.
I love you and i am sorry for the pain i bring.

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